A DECLARATION OF WAR
Article I. We the undersigned have, due to circumstances spiraling out of our hands, have been force to declare on you at STATE OF WAR. While we have attempted to refrain from entering a state of war with you, our most loved and trusted sovereign, your recent resignation has wronged us to the point of action—unwillful action, as you are, of course, our most devoted sovereign.
Article II. Your decision to leave in order to maintain your own life, liberty and pursuit of happiness is of course, unimpeachable and undeserving of a STATE OF WAR. However, this decision has robbed us of our own pursuit of happiness and by which you abandon us to the mercy of the wolves. We cannot be angered at your decision, but we also cannot idly sit by and allow ourselves to wither away. As it has been previously stated, you are our heart and we cannot function without you.
Article III. Thus, by the same act, Friendship & Fealty Act of 2010, we have the ability to declare war on our most beloved & trusted sovereign when threatened by the horrific concept of being abandoned (Article V, Section 9.05a). Thus, by that same act, declaring a STATE OF WAR upon our loving sovereign allows us the inalienable rights to:
Section 3.01 Perform acts of loving vandalism
(a) Includes minor, moderate, & major
Section 3.02 Create outlandish documents & projects that involve:
(c) calligraphy pens
(g) a copymachine
(h) toilet paper
(i) Celine Dion
Section 3.03 Perform overwhelming acts of love that make you cry.
Article IV. These, of course, are not limited, and according to the Constitution of 2009, Amendment 18, we the undersigned are allowed to exact upon you whatever act we see fit, as you are breaking your vow of fealty & loyalty and shall not be there for us after the Day of Despair, October 29th, 2010.
Article V. Should you wish to dispel this STATE OF WAR, you may do so by negating your actions and pledging your fealty and love for us once more. Upon which you will return to your place as honored and loved sovereign and all sins shall be washed away from you (this is clearly defined in the You Should Never Leave Treaty, already written, signed, and awaiting the signature of our most beloved & kindhearted sovereign.)
Article VI. By giving you this declaration, we absolve ourselves from all injury and by the Constitution of 2009 and the Friendship & Fealty Act of 2010, we retain the right to fight to keep you in our lives as long as possible.
Your faithful servants (only while you remain our sovereign, according to Article 24, Section 42a, clause 2.9 of the Friendship & Fealty Act of 2010),